Lighting Assistant and Behind The Scenes Video: Anthony Colagreco
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The Next Vixen
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All of my life I have heard my mom talk about her modeling days. When she did she would always recall her fond memories of a photographer named Tony Ward.
As time went on I have grown to be tall and thin like my mother and received several compliments and suggestions that I should become a model.
When I turned 18 recently I remembered the fond memories that my mom spoke about and the desire to model because it was a life goal.
Learning that Tony Ward chose me to be part of his Vixen series was a welcomed surprise. I get butterflies in my stomach every time I think about this honor. I hope I can make my mom proud and prove to be the fierce vixen that Tony Ward obviously sees in me.
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Shawna and Nefertari Williams. Photo: Tony Ward, Copyright 2023
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Behind The Scenes
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Text by Shayna Williams, Copyright 2023
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The day we spent weeks preparing for finally came, the day of the photo shoot. It had been seemingly countless days since my mother mentioned it and it went by faster than expected. The night before the shoot we spent picking clothes, planning makeup, and even deciding which heels are the best. This wasn’t the first time I’ve seen my mother in a photoshoot so I was expecting the same basics, but this photoshoot was different from others.
In the car ride there, sighing from exhaustion after spending a night preparing for the upcoming event, I heard “here we are!” and looked up to see a nice house. My first thoughts were “I’ve never seen my mom do a photoshoot at a house, I wonder how this will work” and “I hope we didn’t overpack, I wouldn’t want to make a mess in somebody’s home.”
We bring the bags past the front door, I look around and I notice how beautiful everything is. I immediately got an artsy vibe. I knew the photoshoot was gonna be amazing after seeing how nicely decorated everything was.
After being instructed to put the cases in a dressing room, as we walk in my sister says “look at the walls” and we see erotic photos. I’m personally okay with the idea of the human body being art, in fact I like the idea of it a lot. My concern was my niece who had also tagged along and saw the pictures. But she was fine with it as well!
My niece and I walk to the backyard, which is also decorated very nicely, and sit to relax. I notice a brown building that appeared to be under construction behind the main houses on the property with a door on it. I learned later this was the new Tony Ward Studio under construction. At this point I’m thinking the photoshoot will happen outside, but when my mom and sister came out they walked right into the new studio that was under construction. I followed along and saw a nice photography set with a Paris themed backdrop in the room. It was truly different, but already more intriguing, than any shoot I’ve ever seen my mother on.
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During the photo shoot I decided to walk to get ice cream at a place called Sprinkles with my niece. Elkins Park, the neighborhood about 10 miles north of center city Philadelphia where the shoot took place was very nice as well! On the walk back I decided to sit outside and wait for the rest of the shoot to finish. Once it did we started cleaning up and were told to get ready for the lunch that was prepared for us. I wasn’t really expecting one but it was really good! I enjoyed the food, especially the broccoli!
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After the shoot, lunch with the Williams family.
It was sadly time to go afterwards. As we were walking back to the car I was thinking about how new this experience was. I’ve never seen a shoot done in such a unique and remarkable way. I’d love to go back again. Even if we won’t be taking pictures the setting alone was amazing.
Kitchie Ohh: Photo: David Rocha, Shogun Photography
Text by Kitchie Ohh, Copyright 2023
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This Time Last Year
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This time last year, I made my grand debut here at Tony Ward Studio with a series of covers and writings. For the Vixens series project, Tony offered me a prompt which I took in a direction that was incredibly cathartic. Spilling my guts out in those pieces turned into a monthly thing and with this article, you have now been subjected to a full year of my ramblings. Thanks for reading, and also, I’m sorry! (Well, no, not really.)
A lot can change in a short amount of time. Sometimes, the change is good; other times, not so much. Sometimes, change is exciting; others, scary. Often, there’s a whole mix of emotion happening all at once. But that’s the thing, no matter how we feel about it, change is inevitable. Beginnings and endings are constantly happening. Big changes, little changes. Ones that shake your entire world or go barely noticed. We often hear the expression “the beginning of the end,” but what about the beginning IN the end?
I have always enjoyed writing. I loved creative writing assignments and book reports in school. Though I never kept an official journal, writing out feelings and thoughts was, and still is, one of the ways I process things in my life. A large part of my career for the last two decades has involved writing in some way. So when the opportunity came up to combine writing with my newer-found hobby of modeling, I thought, why not? And then I was terrified. This wasn’t a school assignment. This was me, my image alongside my thoughts, my opinions for anyone to read. And judge. And criticize. I sat at my computer with the provided prompt and the words poured out. The images and articles went live. Despite my anxiety, I shared the links everywhere, and was proud of myself. I had told my parents about the project but instead of directing them to the links, I wanted them to hear my words from me. It was important. I read all three articles to them at the dining room table. I didn’t make it through without crying. Even though the articles were already posted and people had shared positive feedback, it was reading them out loud to my parents that changed me. The days of bottling my feelings, of not talking about the things that hurt me were at an end. So, too, were the days of thinking I couldn’t or shouldn’t share my “non-professional” writing out of the belief that no one cared what I had to say. I’ve been writing monthly, now, for an entire year. My original thoughts and words are out there but I’m the one who doesn’t care now. I always hope that any piece I write evokes something in the people who read it, but I no longer obsess about whether it is good enough to be read.
At the time of my photoshoot last September, things had been extremely tense for some time at my job. It made me sad. It had started out as my dream job. The organization and mission were close to my heart, but the environment changed. It was affecting my personal life and that had to end. I put my love of writing to good use refreshing my resume and cover letters. It was validating and exciting to interview at multiple companies. Potential employers were interested in and impressed by my skills and experience. Things got very real, very quickly, when I had multiple offers in the same week. I panicked, but again writing came to the rescue through a handwritten “pro and con” exercise of each offer.Clearly, I came up with a winner. My new role is a challenge, but in mostly good ways. I no longer feel like I’m being set up to fail. Instead, I’m welcoming new responsibility, providing leadership and support to a whole team. I am trusting myself. I still get to write, too. This new chapter in my professional life couldn’t have been possible without the ending of the previous one.
Believe me, I’m well aware that not all endings can be viewed and associated with a positive beginning as I’ve laid out above.Like when we lose someone, such as a failed relationship or the death of a loved one, that ending is devastating. Everything you do after they are gone is a sad beginning, a first time without them. But it’s also a success; evidence that you CAN do those things anyway. As much as it may hurt doing them alone, you begin to heal through that persistence.
No matter what the end may be, the type of beginning it brings is your choice. There is time and space enough for you to both mourn the loss of what was and celebrate what comes next. You can be happy to stop something but scared to begin another. There is absolutely no way to prevent yourself from ever facing a change, a loss, an end; you might as well take control of it. Because without the ends there can be no beginnings.
And so this concludes a year’s worth of tolerating my ranting. Stay tuned for what next month may bring.
To Be Continued…..
Kitchie
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Kitchie Ohh. Photo: David Rocha, Shogun Photography
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Kitchie Ohh is a full-time professional fundraiser who has worked with a number of health and human services nonprofits in the Philadelphia area over the last 20 years. She found her passion for modeling after a pinup-style photoshoot in 2013. Since then, she has worked with many talented photographers, stylists, hair and makeup artists in a variety of styles. She has been featured in- and on the covers of – multiple print and digital publications. Over the years, she has branched out from pinup studio modeling to serve as a figure model for live sketching, walked a runway, and was part of two campaigns for Philadelphia designer K. Vaughn.
In addition to her philanthropy-focused career, she has volunteered with art, historical, and community organizations, and even the events team of a local brewery for a while, pre-pandemic.
You’re just as likely to find her whipping up something deliciously plant-based in her kitchen or knitting a sweater as you are to find her on a photography set. Her motto is “be both.” The model and the homemaker, sultry and sweet, serious and silly. All the things, all at once.
We invite you to join us for an exploration of human vulnerability and the timeless beauty of the unadorned form. “OBSESSIONS” is an ode to the human spirit, a celebration of the profound authenticity that lies with us.
Several years ago, I was spending some quality time with one of my sisters, I have three, but this one’s my favorite. No, it’s not a secret. Our day brought us to the local home improvement store, specifically the outdoor landscaping section. The carts at this store are not the typical shopping cart; they’re open sided, low, and often hard to steer. As we usually do while out shopping, my sister and I wandered away from one another as things caught our respective eyes. Also, as we often do when this happens, we continue talking to one another and suddenly burst out with something like “oooh, come look at this!” to summon the other back. And that’s exactly what happened this day. But remember that shopping cart? As I turned to head back in her direction,I walked directly into the shopping cart whose low profile was completely out of my line of vision. The abrupt stop, and pain, in my lower shin caused a literal knee-jerk reaction and a little hop step away. Wouldn’t you know it? That hard to maneuver thing had turned at the bump from my first step and was slowly rolling in a bit of an arc toward me. I noticed a split second too late. My foot coming down from that upward knee-jerk, landed directly on the bed of the cart and my brain said “nope,” followed by another quick knee-jerk, except this time, having the cart under my foot, I was launched backward. I twirled and flailed like the most uncoordinated ballerina in the world until I finally lost the fight against gravity. Somehow I managed to twist in mid-air to prevent a face first meeting with the ground. But wait! I did not hit the hard concrete floor. No, sir. The universe, apparently, needed more drama. When I finally stopped the panic, I began to laugh hysterically, splayed out in an extra large potted plant, ass in the dirt.
Why share that story? Well, despite my laughing about it, there was a part of me that was so incredibly embarrassed not only to have tripped over something so large that I failed to see, but to have then stumbled and ungracefully crushed a tropical plant with my rear end in public! But hey we all do stupid stuff. We’re human. Sometimes, like this case, it’s completely accidental. We don’t intentionally screw up, but we still find ourselves dealing with the consequence, physically and emotionally.
Falling spectacularly in Home Depot didn’t do any irreparable damage. My bruises healed. I can still peruse every aisle including the garden center without panic. This, of course, was an extreme physical example. But it still raises a question: why do we let other embarrassments that we experience alter us? Worse yet, why do we let the CHANCE of embarrassment do so?
Embarrassment is an emotional reaction. Self-consciousness, shame, awkwardness, they can all be really big feelings – and scary, which is why we avoid them. Can we, though? Should we?A resounding no to both of those questions.
As long as there are people and we worry, at all, what any of them think there’s a chance for embarrassment; it’s unavoidable. That’s the main factor in embarrassment: people. What they see or hear and wondering how they’ll react can be terrifying. Still, we often do try to avoid this unavoidable thing. We are extra careful, don’t speak up or speak out, don’t draw attention, water ourselves down for fear of being too spicy for someone else’s palate. And when a situation arises anyway, we beat ourselves up for it. Extra if our plans to avoid it in the first place failed. If you’ve read the first few posts I’ve written here, you know I’m speaking from experience. Years of constant bullying left me with a coping mechanism of avoidance and to-the-core embarrassment about everything about myself. I know I’m not alone. And I hope I’m not alone in having (mostly) overcome it.
In no way did I wake up one day completely unselfconscious, without a single care about what others thought of me, my interests, appearance, what I said, how I said it, the decisions I made, my life in general. No. I wake up every day and make choices. Control the things I can. Be forgiving when things go awry. Admit my lack of perfection. Accept that even if everything I am, do, and say are perfect, someone will feel differently. When I find myself holding back or shrinking myself down to avoid that self-conscious feeling of embarrassment, I ask myself why is this better? Why will not expressing an idea at the conference table be better than expressing it? It could solve a problem, even if someone else laughs. Why will watching everyone else dance to your favorite song be better than joining them? It brings you just as much joy as them.
Most times, the temporary feelings of being uncomfortable or embarrassed, by far, outweigh whatever avoiding them might take when you get past them. Then having gone through them, we also learn something. Which is the reason, I feel, we shouldn’t plan our hours, days, whole lives around avoiding uncomfortable feelings. The best way is through, right? The lesson could be something about yourself that you didn’t realize before. It could be how to do something, correctly, that you had embarrassingly been doing wrong. It might be as simple as completely enjoying yourself in the moment. And, sometimes, it could be always remember to look out for shopping carts at Home Depot.
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Kitchie Ohh. Photo: Victor Devilbliss, Copyright 2023
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Kitchie Ohh is a full-time professional fundraiser who has worked with a number of health and human services nonprofits in the Philadelphia area over the last 20 years. She found her passion for modeling after a pinup-style photoshoot in 2013. Since then, she has worked with many talented photographers, stylists, hair and makeup artists in a variety of styles. She has been featured in- and on the covers of – multiple print and digital publications. Over the years, she has branched out from pinup studio modeling to serve as a figure model for live sketching, walked a runway, and was part of two campaigns for Philadelphia designer K. Vaughn.
In addition to her philanthropy-focused career, she has volunteered with art, historical, and community organizations, and even the events team of a local brewery for a while, pre-pandemic.
You’re just as likely to find her whipping up something deliciously plant-based in her kitchen or knitting a sweater as you are to find her on a photography set. Her motto is “be both.” The model and the homemaker, sultry and sweet, serious and silly. All the things, all at once.
The realms of human emotions are intricate and fascinating, none more so than the delicate dance between infatuation and love. While often used interchangeably, these two terms represent distinct stages of affection that vary in intensity, duration, and depth. By unraveling the complexities of infatuation and love, we can gain a deeper understanding of human connections and the transformative power of genuine love.
I. Infatuation: A Fleeting Flame:
Infatuation is a state of intense attraction and obsession, characterized by a passionate desire for someone. It is often accompanied by a whirlwind of emotions, butterflies in the stomach, and an overwhelming longing to be close to the object of infatuation. However, despite its initial intensity, infatuation is typically short-lived and lacks the stability and depth associated with love.
Infatuation tends to be based on superficial qualities, such as physical appearance or a few shared interests, rather than a deep emotional connection. It is often driven by idealization and projection, where individuals create an idealized image of their infatuation and assign them with unrealistic qualities. Infatuation can lead to a loss of rationality, with individuals disregarding any flaws or red flags associated with the person they are infatuated with.
Moreover, infatuation is characterized by an intense focus on one’s own needs and desires, rather than a genuine concern for the well-being and happiness of the other person. It is primarily self-centered, seeking personal gratification and validation rather than engaging in mutual growth and support.
II. Love: A Foundation of Empathy and Growth:
Unlike infatuation, love is a complex and multifaceted emotion that develops over time. Love transcends the initial infatuation stage and forms the foundation of deep emotional connection and commitment. Love involves genuine care, respect, and empathy for the other person, fostering a sense of mutual growth and support.
Love is not solely based on external factors but encompasses the acceptance and appreciation of the whole person, including their flaws and imperfections. It acknowledges that no one is perfect, but it chooses to see the beauty and potential within the other person. Love withstands the test of time and remains steady even when the initial spark fades.
Furthermore, love is selfless and characterized by acts of kindness, sacrifice, and compromise. It involves considering the needs and well-being of the other person on an equal footing with one’s own. Love is a partnership, where both individuals actively invest in the relationship, supporting and encouraging each other’s personal growth and fulfillment.
Love is not bound by fleeting emotions but endures through challenges, conflicts, and adversity. It requires open communication, trust, and a willingness to work through difficulties together. Love allows for vulnerability and deep emotional intimacy, fostering a sense of security and emotional connection.
Infatuation and love, though often confused, are distinct emotional experiences. Infatuation, characterized by intensity and obsession, is transient and centered around superficial qualities. In contrast, love encompasses empathy, selflessness, and mutual growth, forming a deep and enduring bond. By recognizing the difference between infatuation and love, we can navigate relationships with greater awareness, fostering meaningful connections that stand the test of time.
