Fetish Archives - Tony Ward

Kitchie Ohh: Trust Your Gut

Attractive woman lounging in lingerie in a 1950's style apartment — Kitchie Ohh. Photo: Michael Bann, Copyright 2024

Trust Your Gut

I have written multiple posts here about my professional life. The summary if you’re new here, and to my ramblings, is that I have a lengthy nonprofit fundraising background. In 2019, I landed what seemed to be my dream job. But just like an actual dream sometimes does, after a while if became more like a nightmare. I landed on my feet, in a position where I’m doing great things, being valued for who I am, what I bring to the organization and being fairly compensated for it all. However, again, just like flashes of nightmares rear their ugly heads during waking hours, my old job pops in to haunt me every now and then.

When I left my previous role, I can count on one hand – actually, one finger – the number of people I chose to give permission to contact me personally. We occasionally send messages to check in, say hello, catch up. It had been months since I last heard from them. Until a few weeks ago. “Kat, I miss you. There is so much to tell you, can I call you after work today?” You bet I cleared my plans for the rest of the night to take that call. I am so glad I did.

Let me back up quite a few paces to when I was still working for the previous organization. In many companies, a change in leadership often leads to some staffing changes, people leave, new people start, positions change, structure changes, policies changes. It’s not at all unusual. However, when the changes start to feel heavy and unnecessary, and good people are forced out, it’s hard to stay positive. That’s what happened to my dream job. The chosen replacement for the individual who hired me, encouraged and trusted me, and built an incredible team of passionate talented people, was abruptly removed from the position.

Shortly after the beginning of that end, one of the newer members of my team suddenly took an interest in me and my role. They often came to my desk to talk about my work, my workload, and unprompted by any of my words or actions, expressed that I must be stressed and overwhelmed with it all. That became the frequent theme of conversation; and it was odd. Something about it, just wasn’t sitting right. I kept asking myself, are they trying to make me feel stressed? Should I be responding to my job in a way other than I am? What is the point of this repeated conversation? It was enough for me to keep them at a distance and stay wary, while still working together as needed.

It was right around this strange time when the new boss was announced to replace the one I had built such a wonderful working relationship with. I tried to stay open minded. Within the first few weeks, each person was scheduled for a one-on-one introductory meeting. Mine was the last on the agenda. I came prepared with everything about what I did on a daily basis, prepared for any questions they might have. We had an hour. The first question I was asked threw me for a bit of a loop. It was about the organization I worked in prior to this one, and one person in particular from that team. The tone of the question made it feel like my answer would set the stage for not only the rest of this meeting, but my position with the team. I carefully acknowledged, yes, I knew that person, but we never worked very closely and they left before I did. I left out my feelings relating to the absolutely unhinged series of accusations and comments lodged at me by this person regarding someone else’s inappropriate behavior toward me! I also watched in absolute horror as the indicators on my new boss’s smart watch flashed over a dozen new text messages from the very same person. Yikes, not a good start.

Life over the next few months in and out of the office wasn’t great. Home repairs and family stress on top of increased pressure and unvoiced expectations from my new boss were making me ill. The colleague I had kept at arms length had been given a wildly unexpected promotion within our department. It was abundantly clear that the role was by far outside of their scope of experience. It wasn’t my call but I congratulated them all the same. Work that had been done by the person in that role previously, though, suddenly was finding its way onto my desk with no instruction on how to complete it or the technical access needed to do so. I made it clear that this had never been a function of my role. I would be happy to learn it and eventually adopt it, but needed time to learn and understand it. That statement was met with the ultimatum of do it now or don’t work here anymore. By the time I walked the dozen or so steps from the boss’ office to my shared cubicle space, there was an email message to HR summarizing and documenting the discussion about my failure to meet the expectations of my job. There was nothing constructive, there were no official action steps, progress improvement plans, or even consequences stated. I was in panic mode. I pressed the newly-promoted colleague for assistance as the new to me tasks were formerly theirs. I got very little help directly. I found out quickly that they couldn’t help because they didn’t know how; which explained how it got onto my desk in the first place. A consultant eventually provided the solution and I carried on with my newly assigned work.

I wish I could say that was the end of it and I continued happy along with just an increased workload. But sadly, that’s not even close. Human Resources never even acknowledged receipt of the “failure to perform” email. I had no follow up meetings about it. In fact, it was never again mentioned. Meetings with my boss were rare, and rarely longer than five minutes unless the boss had strong feelings about a project, and by that I mean absolutely disagreed with everything I had done and demanded it be redone. I felt ignored and unsupported unless I was being reprimanded. Yet, every project I led was successful, raising literal millions of dollars. I was confused and stressed, preparing every day to be fired. The only upside was that the strange conversations stopped. My concerned colleague was ignoring me too, but was always in the boss’ office. My gut was screaming at me that something wasn’t right. People all around us were resigning, often being escorted out of the building instead of working out their two weeks’ notice.

I confided in the one trusted person I mentioned previously. They absolutely agreed with me that something had shifted. We commiserated daily about how much of a downhill slide morale had taken and took every opportunity to make one another laugh through the frustrations. When even those laughs weren’t enough, I began to look for a new position and soon I announced my resignation. The sheer relief on the boss’ face that day was off-putting, I had never seen them so happy. The joyful congratulations given to me by the other colleague I was wary of was equally disturbing. They were chatting animatedly, and very quietly and privately, for a good portion of that day. They even arranged my farewell happy hour, strangely insisting on a particular place I had never been and couldn’t enjoy much offered on their menu due to dietary restrictions. I went, and was for the most part ignored by them which was fine by me. I made it out. And very shortly after that boss was gone too, though I didn’t much care.

Back to present day. When the phone rang that night, I immediately picked up. After exchanging all the normal pleasantries one would expect of former colleagues who haven’t spoken in months, we dove right into it. The colleague I was wary of resigned but not before letting slip something extremely interesting. Back when that ‘new’ boss had been announced, this colleague reached out to them on a professional networking channel to unofficially welcome them to the organization. They met for dinner prior to the official start date informing and inviting no one else from the department. They discussed, at length, the weaknesses of the team. Guess who topped that list? Guess who, coincidentally, thought they would be great at the job if given the chance? I suppose this person felt a sense of “what are they going to do fire me?” once their resignation was tendered especially since neither I nor that boss were working there any longer. They held this knowledge in for nearly three years. I wonder if it was relief or pride they felt in finally expressing it to someone else.

I sat on the phone absolutely dumbfounded for a minute after the story (and a few intersecting stories, because you know a proper catch up session is never a linear occurrence!) ended. And then it all just came spilling out in an expletive filled rant that I can sum up in four words: I F*CKING KNEW IT.

From the first strange conversation, to the introductory meeting centering on my relationship with a previous colleague, to the already drafted email that went to HR immediately after an unplanned meeting about my failure to perform tasks that were never mine, my gut was warning something wasn’t right. As paranoid as it seemed, I felt as if there was a plot brewing against me. Every day the feeling progressively grew, intentionally fostered by two other people, until I had to remove myself from the situation. And I wasn’t paranoid or crazy. I was right. My gut was right, I am so glad I trusted it. I can’t imagine that I wouldn’t have been fired if I didn’t leave on my own. They were actively setting me up to fail. I don’t have to imagine to what end. One person believed another’s made up claims about me and I was in the other’s way.

I never wish ill on anyone. I just hope that one day, the way they treated – and mistreated – others in the act of self-service is delivered back to them and they get everything they deserve, nothing less. Do unto others and all that…

Portrait of contributing writer to Tony Ward Studio Kitchie Ohh wearing lingerie — Kitchie Ohh. Photo: Michael Bann, Copyright 2024

Kitchie Ohh is a full-time professional fundraiser who has worked with a number of health and human services nonprofits in the Philadelphia area over the last 20 years. She found her passion for modeling after a pinup-style photoshoot in 2013. Since then, she has worked with many talented photographers, stylists, hair and makeup artists in a variety of styles. She has been featured in- and on the covers of – multiple print and digital publications. Over the years, she has branched out from pinup studio modeling to serve as a figure model for live sketching, walked a runway, and was part of two campaigns for Philadelphia designer K. Vaughn.

In addition to her philanthropy-focused career, she has volunteered with art, historical, and community organizations, and even the events team of a local brewery for a while, pre-pandemic.

You’re just as likely to find her whipping up something deliciously plant-based in her kitchen or knitting a sweater as you are to find her on a photography set. Her motto is “be both.” The model and the homemaker, sultry and sweet, serious and silly. All the things, all at once. To access additional articles by Kitchie Ohh, link here: https://tonyward.com/kitchie-ohh-overwhelmed/

Kitchie Ohh: There’s Always One

Portrait of glamour model Kitchie Ohh for Tony Ward Studio — Kitchie Ohh: Photo: Victor Devilbliss, Copyright 2024

There’s Always One

I have worked damn hard to get where I am, professionally. Believe me when I say there is no one harder on me than me when it comes to judging the role I play, the work I produce, and its impact on the bigger picture. Despite what anyone says to the contrary about the quality of my work, I often focus on what went ‘wrong’ and kick myself for it. There is always a level of self-doubt, the moments of confidently feeling I know exactly what I’m doing are amazing, but even when they arrive I tend to downplay the feeling. However, my current role – it’s been over a year, I should stop calling it “new”- is slowly changing this. I have a great boss. I have a great team. And most of my colleagues are amazing.

Most. But definitely not all. There’s always one. Everyone seems to know about them; their personality issues, their comments, lack of collaboration, expectation that their way is the right way, the ONLY way. And yet, no one does anything about it. Instead, there are miles of workarounds, modifications to processes that make them a tad more complicated but increasingly more likely to get past this person with their probably unnecessary, but historically asked for anyway, approval. It’s frustrating and creates problems where there should be none, and comes complete with thinly veiled insults hurled regularly.

My first run in with this particular brick wall, occurred very early in my role with this organization. I was asked to create a communications strategy for the year. I presented it, complete with a content calendar, and a regular series of collaboration meetings to ensure my pant was aligned with, but did not compete with, anything other outreach across the company. I take this moment to point out that this task is not outside of my skill set. It actually is exactly what I have been doing for much of my career, very successfully. It is also very much on track for the focus of my university-issued academic degree. So, there I found myself, in this known to be difficult person’s office at a table that was too small for our group of five- them, me, my boss, and two additional colleagues. When the plan was presented, all but this person were happy to have something in place to keep things on track and on brand. I felt extremely proud of what I had put together. And then it happened. This ONE person finally chimed in, asking who would be creating content, who would be responsible for that part, because there was money in the budget for them to add someone to their team to handle it as we had no one with that qualification on staff. I was shocked. I had just presented the plan, clearly stating that this was MY role, MY team would be leading the effort, with review and input from the people at this table. Before I could open my mouth, my boss calmly looked this person in the face and stated, “no additional staff is needed as this plan was created by the extremely qualified individual already on staff, and her team. She called this meeting and is sitting directly across from you.” To say that went over terribly is an understatement. Silence fell, the meeting ended, and by the time I walked back to my office, the remaining meetings in the series were declined by this person with no explanation and no offer to reschedule. It happened, the professional equivalent of packing up toys and going home because the kids weren’t playing by your rules. I was a mixture of feeling angry and insulted, but also proud that I didn’t have to defend myself, my boss handled it – showing full support of me and my work.

As a result of this failed collaboration attempt, it was left to me to devise a new plan that involved this person without the need for meeting with them. A precedent had been set that their input and approval was required. If we attempted to proceed without it, a flag was raised at the last minute and we, literally, had to start over. I tried. I was not having my work derailed ever again by one person’s ego. So, everything filtered through my boss, still does. An extended time frame was factored into the original plan I created that allows this person ample time to complete their portion of the project. Though they agreed to the revised plan, I can count on one hand the number of times they actually adhered to it since that day. It’s been a year of communications, sometimes several per week, gently, and then not-so-gently reminding this person to do what they agreed to do by specific deadlines. And a near year of my having to rework timelines when those specific deadlines come and go with no response. Peppered throughout this year were plenty of other insults and not so constructive criticism.

I have a fairly thick skin and a wild stubborn streak when it comes to people like this. I will not react as everyone else up until this point has. I will not compromise my hard work and the good I know it will do, simply because it’s easier to just give up or give in to doing everything their way. As annoying as these exhibited behaviors are, I can deal with them while advocating for myself and the job I have been tasked with doing to get it done. However, this person also has the nasty habit of speaking down to people, in a way that can only be described as bullying because they only do it to people who take it, the ones who are visibly shaken after any conversation with this person. I have watched it happen, they are sought out to be used as a kind of punching bag. I refuse to stand for this behavior in or out of the workplace, and that goes double when it happens to people on my team. I keep a running documentation of incidents. I informed my entire team, not just those who report to me, that if this person reaches out for anything they are to be referred to me for assistance. Whatever they need falls under my role. Effective immediately. It was rough going for a while, but over time I learned and still am learning ways to navigate the mess that was made long before I signed on.

There has been progress, though. Some wins, some losses, definite compromise. Shockingly, on both sides! The only constant has been me, holding myself and this person accountable. If we have to work together, then we will do so in a way that isn’t entirely mine, or theirs, it’s ours; a mutually agreed upon, respectful, path forward. As more people sign on and join in, we see more forward momentum. As we work together to prove that through true collaboration, we can accomplish so much more, the power this person has held for so long begins to wane. The control they slowly gained over people and projects that never should have involved them is being given back to those to whom it belonged. Of all the things I’m proud of since beginning this job, this is pretty high up on the list. And we still have a long way to go.

If there’s always that one person who makes things hard for everyone else, shouldn’t there also be that one who steps up to them? I know which one I want to be, and the one I never will.

In addition to her philanthropy-focused career, she has volunteered with art, historical, and community organizations, and even the events team of a local brewery for a while, pre-pandemic.

Tracey Olkus: The Latest Vixen

Styling and Creative Direction: KVaughn

Lighting Assistant: Anthony Colagreco

THE LATEST VIXEN

I have had the honor of working with Tony Ward only a few times over the last couple decades-most recently with Ellen Tiberino for The Vixen Series. So when Tony asked if I would be a part of this project, I thought he meant behind the scenes doing hair and makeup. I was shocked when I realized that he wanted to photograph ME. I’m never in front of the camera. I don’t even take selfies.

I love creating Vixens and encouraging Vixens, but I had never thought of myself as a Vixen. I think of a Vixen as a woman who breaks from tradition, supersedes expectations and takes control of her destiny. She exudes confidence and sexuality. She IS fire! Well, part of that is definitely me. I have been an entrepreneur most of my life. I have never had the patience to wait around for things to happen. I have been told that I’m outspoken. And I only know how to do things in my own weird ways. I’m a sexual being through and through but I have never considered myself to be sexy. When I told Tony this, he assured me that I was in good hands. And THAT I believed. I stepped out of my comfort zone and let him take the lead. And it was a wild ride!

Portrait of hair stylist Tracey Olkus wearing black sheer dress on night out in Paris — Tracey Olkus. The Vixens Series. Photo: Tony Ward, Copyright 2024

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

For almost two decades, Tracey Olkus has been transforming faces and elevating styles from her private studio in Philadelphia. Specializing in everything from everyday glam to commercial shoots to TV and film.

Tracey’s artistic interests extend beyond the chair. With a passion for costuming, she crafts bespoke headdress designs available through commissioned works.

As the curator of The Performance Salon, Tracey provides a platform for emerging and established artists to showcase their talents in an intimate setting. From musicians, to thespians, writers to chefs, The Performance Salon has become a hub for artistic expression with performances that leave audiences mesmerized.

But Tracey’s interests go beyond her professional pursuits . A dedicated patron of the arts and the finer things in life, she enjoys hosting extravagant dinner parties and whimsical camping trips…often simultaneously.

When it is time to escape, Tracey can be found exploring the world, talking to strangers, and collecting stories from every corner of the globe. And along the way, she is most happy to have has amassed an eclectic collection of friends that share her passion for the extraordinary.

Lileet_Miriam: The Latest Vixen

Tara Mordin the latest Vixen in a series by Tony Ward Studio copyright 2024 — Tara Mordin. Photo: Tony Ward, Copyright 2024

Styling and Creative Direction by KVaughn

When I was contacted by Tony Ward Studio to partake in this project, “The Vixen Series,” I was genuinely honored, very excited, and quite honestly, humbled. I viewed this invitation to be in a league of its own – an elite circle of amazing women from all walks of life who were having their beauty, thoughts, strengths, and tribulations highlighted in a way that exuded power and commanded respect. As I began to ponder more on the concept of what it means to be deemed a “vixen,” I realized that the whole is greater than the sums of its parts. To be considered and included with these other “vixens,” meant that I brought something to the table that is equally powerful, enticing, and worthwhile that goes well beyond having a physical presence.

Many of us have had moments in life where we are our toughest critics – questioning our worth, doubting our abilities, obsessing over how others perceive us. I think being considered a vixen allows one to fully embrace their true, authentic self and showcases how their individual uniqueness has its place in this vast world. We each have physical and interpersonal traits that make us different from the next. When we acknowledge and accept such attributes and celebrate what they truly offer, it opens a window of opportunity that is filled with confidence, empowerment, even pride. The more positivity and ownership of our value that we portray to others, the more impact and inspiration it tends to have.

Over time, I feel that I have reached my own prime. I am unapologetically, me. I have grown a tremendous amount as a person, both inside and out. I have come to learn that my qualities do carry inherent value and that my input, time, energy, and overall presence, matter. Being a part of this series has reinforced that for me. It continuously sheds light that there truly is more to a person than what we first may see and that each of us should honor, praise, and recognize our own inner vixen, in all its amazing forms.

Sightseeing in Paris at night beautiful woman wearing lingerie exposing her beautiful legs as she looks onto the Eiffel Tower. — Sightseeing. Photo: Tony Ward, Copyright 2024

To access additional photographs from The Vixen’s Series portfolio, click here: https://tonyward.com/the-vixens-series/

Kitchie Ohh: After Month’s of Silence

fetish model Kitchie Ohh wearing a purple corset for a fantasy scene — Kitchie Ohh. Photo: Bombshell Pinups, Copyright 2024

After Month’s of Silence

Once upon a time, two people were feeling very bold. The first, we’ll call X, responded to a stranger’s- we’ll call Y- post on social media. Y replied, which was very out of character. They chatted and ultimately threw caution to the wind, arranging to meet in real life. And that was that. One date, if that’s even what it was, then it was done. Or was it?

Years later, X contacted Y out of the blue. It was pleasant but stayed online. No hard feelings about the past, just genuine curiosity about the present and best wishes that all was good. Again, they faded back into their separate lives.

More years passed, again, virtual paths collided. This time, they decided to meet once more, face to face. They enjoyed each other’s company, talked about all that had happened since the last time. One meet up turned into a second before the universe tugged them apart once more; not violently, more a steady gentle pull that both felt happening but neither did anything to prevent.

Time went by, as it always does. They stumbled into one another again. It was as if no time had passed. They spoke daily, they went out for dinner and drinks, stayed in for home cooked meals and movies, asked and answered deep questions by a bonfire. Surprisingly and uncharacteristically, Y allowed some vulnerability. It was difficult, Y stumbled over responses and apologized many times. But it was appreciated by M, who assured it was not something for which apology was necessary. Despite being terrified, not physically, but of the potential to be let down and have it all fade away once again, Y proceeded to put in effort to foster their connection. After a particularly interesting conversation, Y purchased a small gift, a book of poetry related to that conversation, and planned to present it to X at the next opportunity. That has yet to come.

After months of silence, a message:

X: It’s like we’ve been crossing paths for lifetimes. And I never mind it each time it happens

Y: I just keep showing up like a bad penny.

X: If you’re a bad penny what am I?!

You keep turning up more shiny.

Y: You then are the lucky- or unlucky-finder.

Depends on how you look at it. Also I am no more shiny today than any day before. Sometimes the light just hits differently.

X:You’re a strange and beautiful human, madam. Very beautiful.

Y: well, thank you, kindly. Until our paths cross again….

The end? To be continued? Who knows?

Did you guess that I am Y?. I won’t reveal X’s identity. This isn’t really about them. It’s about me me. The only thing I have control over in this entire universe; though even that seems questionable some days.

This entirely true story is a pattern. A known, recognizable, see it coming from a mile away occurrence. It’s happened before and likely will again. With X, with others, friends, more than friends, family. The relationship type doesn’t matter. I will learn nothing.

Well, that’s an exaggeration. I will learn many things. But I won’t burn a bridge needlessly.

Life is never a straight path, nor is it always a smooth one. Given those stretches where you get lost, hit a bump, or completely break down, sometimes the only thing we can do is concentrate on ourselves and getting through. In that process of self-preservation, people who were right by our side might pull away. That’s life.

Unless someone has hurt me in some unforgivable way, I’m always happy to have our paths cross again. More often than not, there’s a lot of change to catch up on. Neither of us is exactly the same person, for as much as we may have known one another, there’s a mystery chunk of time to reconcile, and time can change people.

Reconnections can be brief or maybe last a bit longer the second, third, hundredth, time around. But if there’s one thing I learned traveling my own winding path, it’s that you can’t force anyone you encounter along the way to stay. Nor should you.

This is not to say I discourage putting effort into relationships, I acknowledge that even the best ones take work. But personally, I take stock often of whether the work I’m putting in -to projects, people and relationships alike – is adding to my life. If not, I’ve become okay with letting it go, letting them go, with love and understanding, better for the having had the experience.

I look forward to all that lies ahead for me, the new and the familiar. What comes my way, stays or goes. People, places, adventures, the happiness and the heartbreak, all of it.

Related note:

I re-read the book I purchased for X and made a decision, it’s theirs. I’m just holding onto it until our paths cross again. And if they don’t, then I will think of them fondly as I flip through the pages.

Additionally, I’m sharing this fairy tale photo set because as soon as the words “once upon a time” escaped from my brain, through the keyboard, to the screen, I have been singing “Once Upon a Dream” from Disney’s Sleeping Beauty and, well, it had to be done.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

In addition to her philanthropy-focused career, she has volunteered with art, historical, and community organizations, and even the events team of a local brewery for a while, pre-pandemic.