Text by Kitchie Ohh, Copyright 2024
Photography by Tony Ward, Copyright 2024
Styling by KVaughn for The Vixens Series
If you’ve had any number of jobs in your life, they probably weren’t all great. Maybe the job wasn’t satisfying, didn’t pay well, had terrible coworkers, or an even worse boss. It happens. More often than not, people take a job out of necessity. They work multiple jobs to make ends meet. They put up with a LOT of unnecessary stress and dysfunction just to afford to live. I know all of this all too well.
I’ve been working in the nonprofit space for all but one year of my career. I’m mission driven. Working for a cause helps make all of the office drama, the headaches and stress worth it. Until even that can’t balance the scales. I firmly believe people don’t leave jobs, they leave situations and people.
I began my previous job, as a food bank fundraiser, in the Autumn of 2019. It seemed so perfectly suited for me. I was really feeling like I found my place. I had just a few months in when the world shut down for the pandemic. As an essential service, we remained open, figuring out daily how we would operate amid ever-changing precautions. If that wasn’t stressful enough, we soon experienced a huge shift in leadership. Suddenly the amazing team we had built came crumbling down. New faces, new rules, resignations, terminations, a general sense of unease and mistrust. My perfect role was turning into a nightmare. I no longer had a designated space to work in the office, it was assigned to someone else, but I was still required to be there several days a week, finding whatever space was available. Soon, I was accused of not meeting the expectations of the job. Those expectations turned out to not even officially be related to my role with the organization. Yet, I was being reprimanded for failing to perform and told to start making them my responsibility if I wanted to remain on the payroll. I began the job search that day. It wasn’t easy.
In the midst of the job related stress, I had an emergency home repair that came with a giant price tag and also forced me out of my home with just a few hours notice. I had to pack myself up to live at the closest dog-friendly hotel for an as yet undetermined amount of time. Living and working from a standard room at the Red Roof Inn with a giant, nervous about everything dog was not a good time. It was even less of a good time being told unsympathetically, that regardless of what was happening, I still needed to be present at work.
In a shocking case of the Universe can be a real bitch sometimes, in between all of that, I lost my aunt quite suddenly. I did get to tell her goodbye, but it wasn’t enough time and it certainly wasn’t fair. As I sat with her, she rubbed my back and told me how proud she was of me for choosing the line of work I did. For making it my job to help people. It seemed a strange turn of phrase when she followed that up with, “you know what you have to do, you do, you can. Keep fighting. I love you.” Shortly after she passed, I had a very vivid dream about her. I was also having a rougher than usual day at work despite it being a “from home” day, and was talking to my sister to vent my frustration. Mentioning my dream, I was met with an “OMG ME TOO!!” We took a few minutes to laugh about it, recalling funny things about her and her way of being the unofficial boss of the family, while pondering what she was trying to say. I was feeling a little lighter so I dove back into work.
As I took my lunch break, I was hopefully checking my email to see if any of the job applications I completed had gotten responses. Instead, I found a notification about a position I might be interested in. I clicked. I read. It sounded perfect. And coincidentally the cause had a direct connection to my lovely, bossy, missed dearly aunt. The aunt I dreamed of, the one whose last words to me were cryptic then, but made total sense now. Shaking I relayed all of this to my sister. Who told me if I didn’t apply right fucking now, I was insane.
Over the next few weeks, I had a series of emails, phone calls, and in-person interviews. Every single one felt right. It went so fast. I was terrified, but I accepted an offer and tendered my resignation on the same day. Two weeks and three days later, I was sitting in my own office. Not a shared workspace that I could use only if no one else was. My name was on the door, still is.
I have grown so much in the last two-ish years touched on in all of the above, personally and professionally. I now know what that fighting and knowing what I had to do statement was all about. I have shown not only my new colleagues, but myself, what I’m capable of; that I DO actually know what I’m doing. I’ve fought for what is right and best practice to achieve the organizational goals. I’ve gained responsibility for many things, including the oversight of a whole team, and more coming. I’m co-leading a project that has been a long time coming and will be transformative. And most importantly, I feel heard, respected and trusted.
Just this week, my first annual review was filed. In my over two decades of work, I have gone through this process more times than I wanted to. This was the first time I was left speechless. I am honestly still processing some of the things that were said. Not because they were terrible, but because they were so positive and appreciative I didn’t know how to respond. Thanks? You’re welcome? SHUT UP!!! All of those and more ran through my head, and probably were said. It was more than the number crunch of ratings for ‘core values’ and accomplishments for the year. It was the way that someone – my boss – took the time to run through all of it but also relay to me that everything I have done since joining the team has pushed us in the right direction. That the way I am able to take every single thing that’s been thrown at me and somehow make it happen, is astounding. The way that if my name is brought up in a room where I am not present, only good things are said. The ability I have to remain calm while navigating outdated processes and simultaneously improving them is a superpower; and helped us exceed goals.
Everything has lead up to this moment. I am who I am because of every day before this one, everyone I’ve encountered and every lesson learned. I don’t know how the future is going to play out, but I’ll keep fighting for what I know has to be done, because I can. I got this, thanks Aunt Bet.