Column Archives - Page 3 of 8

Kitchie Ohh: Rebuilding My Self-Esteem

Glamour model Kitchie Ohh in a bath tub wearing lingerie — Kitchie Ohh. Photo: Regina Marie Photography, Copyright 2024

Rebuilding My Selfesteem

As I sat down to write this I began as I always do, reflecting on how I even got to write this column. . It all started with a picture. Several pictures really.

A vanity project turned hobby, pinup photo shoots, began as something just for me. Dressing up, having full hair and makeup, pretending for a few hours while someone captures those moments. What’s not to love? Those sessions were a large part of rebuilding my self-esteem. They helped me find myself and my voice. This was especially true when I began having photosets published in magazines. I never did it for the attention. Contrary to popular belief there is NO money in it. It was validation. I was good enough to be included and felt good enough to even try.

Exploring this interest over the last decade or so also introduced me to some incredibly interesting and talented people. Photographers, makeup and hair artists, clothing and accessory designers, musicians, performers, and of course other models. For all the similarities that made our paths cross in the first place, there were countless differences that made us unique.

Initially, I felt incredibly welcomed into this community of retro-loving people. There were invitations to events, public and private, all the time. There were social groups that used common interests to benefit charitable causes. My professional fundraiser heart was so happy, I dove in headfirst. My skills and professional experience allowed me to lean in where I could be helpful with fundraising, social media, organization, volunteer management, anything and everything. It felt great. Until it didn’t.

Despite all outward claims of being welcoming and celebrating diversity in the scene, there was so much judgment, so many cliques, and far too much backstabbing where there should have been support. I speak in past tense due to removing myself from this social scene, but I cannot imagine much has changed since.

I found that, more often than not, inclusion came with a price. IF your uniqueness made you useful to someone or a group, you were included. If not, some other reason would be conjured as to why you weren’t included or invited. I also discovered that as much as you might hear words of encouragement to be yourself and not make comparisons, that wasn’t the standard practice. There was constant comparing and contrasting, not so quiet and not at all kind judgment of why one person’s appearance wasn’t as good as another’s, how their expression of themselves was inappropriate or not authentic. Be yourself, but in the way WE say is correct, or risk the potentially damaging repercussions. It’s not a competition, but I am way better than you. It was never said aloud, but generally understood, and felt.

In fact, one of the biggest things I grew to dislike about this part of my social history, was a blatant disregard of the ideas that “this isn’t a competition,” and “there’s no judgment here.” Yes, The Pinup Contest. I have been a contestant, judge and organizer in a few. I took home a crown once; it was a very strange feeling.

I soon realized why. In an environment where you’re told everyone is welcomed and there’s no judgement or comparison, one of the biggest entertainment outlets is to literally make a contest out of comparing people to one another and awarding prizes to the best. There were always nerves and self-conscious comments expressed by contestants, myself and my friends included. Inevitably, those feelings and comments got reinforced if/when someone else was deemed the winner. There was also the all-too-common occurrence that the winner was not genuinely congratulated. Instead there were whispered accusations about how or why they won and other nasty things said that made those who didn’t win feel better about the loss. In which case, there really was not a winner.

Looking back, there was absolutely nothing award-winning about my responses or appearance on the day I won that contest. I was simply familiar to the organizer. I had never entered any previous contest with them but by simply having attended other events, I was the best choice. It wasn’t exactly fair. Having made that realization, I never entered another contest and was extra careful to check my biases when judging the few I was involved with after.

It’s been several years since I’ve even considered myself a member of this community. Sure, there are individuals with whom I maintain friendships, but I no longer seek out events and contests with the crowd at large that pit women against one another. No disrespect to those who still put on the shows, attend and participate in the contests; they are just no longer for me. I’m a much happier person when I’m more concerned with showing up as the best version of myself and less so with actively trying to prove I’m better than anyone else. Because I’m not.

I ended up right back where it all began; doing things just for me. Blog contributions help me get thoughts out of my head, and maybe put an idea in someone else’s that changes their perspective; or at the very least allows them to kill a few minutes. I haven’t taken new photos in quite some time, but maybe I need to…just for me.

Kitchie Ohh is a full-time professional fundraiser who has worked with a number of health and human services nonprofits in the Philadelphia area over the last 20 years. She found her passion for modeling after a pinup-style photoshoot in 2013. Since then, she has worked with many talented photographers, stylists, hair and makeup artists in a variety of styles. She has been featured in- and on the covers of – multiple print and digital publications. Over the years, she has branched out from pinup studio modeling to serve as a figure model for live sketching, walked a runway, and was part of two campaigns for Philadelphia designer K. Vaughn.

In addition to her philanthropy-focused career, she has volunteered with art, historical, and community organizations, and even the events team of a local brewery for a while, pre-pandemic.

You’re just as likely to find her whipping up something deliciously plant-based in her kitchen or knitting a sweater as you are to find her on a photography set. Her motto is “be both.” The model and the homemaker, sultry and sweet, serious and silly. All the things, all at once. To access additional articles by Kitchie Ohh, link here: https://tonyward.com/kitchie-ohh-place-my-job-is-to-help/

Nefertari Williams: Students Protest and The Truth

Student Protests and The Truth

Truth seems to be beyond reach as of late. Even definitions of words can be left to interpretation. The questions that young people longed to have answered as they eagerly leave high school during this graduation season and enter the colleges of their choices seem to have turned back the hands of time to over fifty years ago. Is history repeating itself as college students lock arms to protest issues that our parents thought were resolved issues back in the 1960’s?

Regardless of how I feel about the current geopolitical conversations that the news stations are discussing daily, I would never be as bold and brave as the college students that are protesting today. Some of these students stand firm in their beliefs and risk being expelled for what some argue are their constitutional rights – the freedom to peacefully assemble.

It is very scary how the narrative of what some of the students are saying have been twisted by some of the news agencies. A student will make a very clear statement and the news personality will clearly spin their words to whichever narrative fits the political angle that particular news outlet generally covers. This isn’t the way those of us raised in the 80’s experienced “news”. When a reporter told a story, for the most part, we were told and unbiased version of the facts and allowed to form our own opinions as to right or wrong.

These days watching our young impressionable students peacefully protesting with locked arms chanting how they feel about a situation that is happening in our world; Their words can be clear, their signs can have words that are easy to read yet somehow their message is being sent out into the world differently than how they are intended. We the television watchers are being told that what we are seeing is not what is actually happening. Trust is no longer truth.

As a mentor to our youth I must admit I feel helpless in these situations. Some topics are not to be discussed in this country. The tragic topic that they’ve bravely chosen to tackle at such a young age could cause some of “adults” to loose employment, contracts, professional relationships and more should we chose to speak on the subject.

As sad as it may be the best some of us older people can do is to tell our college students to remain silent. I feel cowardly not speaking out but until black is black and white is white, most of us can’t risk losing everything, being ridiculed like we were during the BLM protests. Although most humans would agree that leaning on a man’s neck until he can’t breath is wrong, a large portion in this country found a way to turn it around to imply that some lives have more value than others and the rest of us have been paying for our decisions to speak on every since.

We don’t want our children to be branded, labeled and mistreated just because they have an opinion about humanity that some may disagree with.

About The Author: Nefertari Williams is a jewelry maker, activist for women with heart disease and the mother of five beautiful children. She lives in Willingboro, New Jersey. To access additional articles by Nefertari Williams link here: https://tonyward.com/nefertari-williams-facts-are-facts/

Kitchie Ohh: My Job is To Help

Kitchie Ohh photographed for Tony Ward's Vixen's series wearing KVaughn ALUMINUM WRAP DRESS — Kitchie Ohh. The Vixens Series. Photo: Tony Ward, Copyright 2024

Styling by KVaughn for The Vixens Series

If you’ve had any number of jobs in your life, they probably weren’t all great. Maybe the job wasn’t satisfying, didn’t pay well, had terrible coworkers, or an even worse boss. It happens. More often than not, people take a job out of necessity. They work multiple jobs to make ends meet. They put up with a LOT of unnecessary stress and dysfunction just to afford to live. I know all of this all too well.

I’ve been working in the nonprofit space for all but one year of my career. I’m mission driven. Working for a cause helps make all of the office drama, the headaches and stress worth it. Until even that can’t balance the scales. I firmly believe people don’t leave jobs, they leave situations and people.

I began my previous job, as a food bank fundraiser, in the Autumn of 2019. It seemed so perfectly suited for me. I was really feeling like I found my place. I had just a few months in when the world shut down for the pandemic. As an essential service, we remained open, figuring out daily how we would operate amid ever-changing precautions. If that wasn’t stressful enough, we soon experienced a huge shift in leadership. Suddenly the amazing team we had built came crumbling down. New faces, new rules, resignations, terminations, a general sense of unease and mistrust. My perfect role was turning into a nightmare. I no longer had a designated space to work in the office, it was assigned to someone else, but I was still required to be there several days a week, finding whatever space was available. Soon, I was accused of not meeting the expectations of the job. Those expectations turned out to not even officially be related to my role with the organization. Yet, I was being reprimanded for failing to perform and told to start making them my responsibility if I wanted to remain on the payroll. I began the job search that day. It wasn’t easy.

In the midst of the job related stress, I had an emergency home repair that came with a giant price tag and also forced me out of my home with just a few hours notice. I had to pack myself up to live at the closest dog-friendly hotel for an as yet undetermined amount of time. Living and working from a standard room at the Red Roof Inn with a giant, nervous about everything dog was not a good time. It was even less of a good time being told unsympathetically, that regardless of what was happening, I still needed to be present at work.

In a shocking case of the Universe can be a real bitch sometimes, in between all of that, I lost my aunt quite suddenly. I did get to tell her goodbye, but it wasn’t enough time and it certainly wasn’t fair. As I sat with her, she rubbed my back and told me how proud she was of me for choosing the line of work I did. For making it my job to help people. It seemed a strange turn of phrase when she followed that up with, “you know what you have to do, you do, you can. Keep fighting. I love you.” Shortly after she passed, I had a very vivid dream about her. I was also having a rougher than usual day at work despite it being a “from home” day, and was talking to my sister to vent my frustration. Mentioning my dream, I was met with an “OMG ME TOO!!” We took a few minutes to laugh about it, recalling funny things about her and her way of being the unofficial boss of the family, while pondering what she was trying to say. I was feeling a little lighter so I dove back into work.

As I took my lunch break, I was hopefully checking my email to see if any of the job applications I completed had gotten responses. Instead, I found a notification about a position I might be interested in. I clicked. I read. It sounded perfect. And coincidentally the cause had a direct connection to my lovely, bossy, missed dearly aunt. The aunt I dreamed of, the one whose last words to me were cryptic then, but made total sense now. Shaking I relayed all of this to my sister. Who told me if I didn’t apply right fucking now, I was insane.

Over the next few weeks, I had a series of emails, phone calls, and in-person interviews. Every single one felt right. It went so fast. I was terrified, but I accepted an offer and tendered my resignation on the same day. Two weeks and three days later, I was sitting in my own office. Not a shared workspace that I could use only if no one else was. My name was on the door, still is.

I have grown so much in the last two-ish years touched on in all of the above, personally and professionally. I now know what that fighting and knowing what I had to do statement was all about. I have shown not only my new colleagues, but myself, what I’m capable of; that I DO actually know what I’m doing. I’ve fought for what is right and best practice to achieve the organizational goals. I’ve gained responsibility for many things, including the oversight of a whole team, and more coming. I’m co-leading a project that has been a long time coming and will be transformative. And most importantly, I feel heard, respected and trusted.

Just this week, my first annual review was filed. In my over two decades of work, I have gone through this process more times than I wanted to. This was the first time I was left speechless. I am honestly still processing some of the things that were said. Not because they were terrible, but because they were so positive and appreciative I didn’t know how to respond. Thanks? You’re welcome? SHUT UP!!! All of those and more ran through my head, and probably were said. It was more than the number crunch of ratings for ‘core values’ and accomplishments for the year. It was the way that someone – my boss – took the time to run through all of it but also relay to me that everything I have done since joining the team has pushed us in the right direction. That the way I am able to take every single thing that’s been thrown at me and somehow make it happen, is astounding. The way that if my name is brought up in a room where I am not present, only good things are said. The ability I have to remain calm while navigating outdated processes and simultaneously improving them is a superpower; and helped us exceed goals.

Everything has lead up to this moment. I am who I am because of every day before this one, everyone I’ve encountered and every lesson learned. I don’t know how the future is going to play out, but I’ll keep fighting for what I know has to be done, because I can. I got this, thanks Aunt Bet.

Nefertari Williams: Facts Are Facts

DALL·E-2024-04-01-11.50.05-Imagine-a-painting-capturing-the-essence-of-a-FACT-from-a-realist-painters-perspective.-This-artwork-shows-an-ancient-weathered-stone-tablet — Artwork Generated by DALL.E 2024

Unlike with my National Geographic magazines that I loved as a kid or my set of weird smelling encyclopedias that I enjoyed leafing through from beginning to end, If you don’t search a certain flow of topics you won’t get particular groups of information.

Most people don’t have access to an abundance of information. This access is becoming even more limited as some books are being banned. This access excited me as a kid as I learned useless facts (well not so useless I was my high school jeopardy champ). I craved information so I would ask questions. I became disgruntled when an older person would say to me “now you are asking the right questions” instead of just answering me. I always thought they had the answers but they wanted me to do the work to get the answers myself. I later realized that perspective isn’t always black and white and for a child at that age I asked particularly unique questions and they really may not have known the answers.

With the invention of the internet I became enamored by search engines. I am also thankful that my teachers and mentors taught me the valuable gift of asking the right questions. I believe this will be what divides or unites us as people ( as opposed to skin color). With so much information available at a simple touch it will be hard to narrow down a topic without the art of knowing what questions to ask.

Information and facts are also not as black and white as they were in simpler days like before the internet. Facts were confirmed through third party perspective and most of us would accept that as truth. Easy right?!

Today, you can be challenged for saying something as simple as the dog barks. Someone might ask something like – does it or is that what they want you to think? What?? These are facts that we know. A dog makes a sound and we have called that sound a bark. So a dog barks. That is now a fact. Right? Well what if I want to call the sound that a dog makes, a meow. And what if I can get half of the country to say that the sound a dog makes is a meow. Now your fact is no longer a fact because you no longer have third party perspective.

Or another example may be the statement black is a color and white is a color. Someone may say – no black is my race I am black. Then someone else may argue – but your skin is not the color black so how do you identify that way? The response may be I don’t know my country says if I have one drop of black blood I am black. How do you have black blood? Well my mom says my dad is African American and white. So he’s white- no but people from South Africa and Northeastern Africa are considered white. I know my skin is white but I am black. Ok ok I’m confused. We are All confused.

Did I confuse you … good. That was my point.

But why would anyone want a nation to be confused?

Is that how it works in life? Search engines are just awesome. I sometimes wish they would list popular or relevant searches for every moment of each day but nope if it’s not already on your radar it will not appear in your news feed, your social media nor your search engines. You have to already know to know what to ask and we are so busy living life most of us don’t have time to sit and day dream or become critical thinkers of theories or disputed facts. Facts are facts period.

Nefertari Williams: Two Steps Smarter

An artist illustration of Taylor Swift by Thomcat23 — Taylor Swift. Artwork by Thomcat23, Copyright 2024

Two Steps Smarter

I think Beyonce and Taylor Swift may have just two stepped all over our minds.

Follow me through my pathway of parallel thinking.. And forgive me but “I was dreaming when I wrote this – forgive me if I go astray”.

Well that’s where I’m going to start. This is a quote from the late great genius, artist and superstar, Prince. He wrote Purple Rain and America went wild. We didn’t care what genre it fell under – it was just amazing music… and we love it still to this day.

Prince initially wrote this as a country song to sing with Fleetwood Mac specifically for Stevie Nicks but she admitted that she got a “fearful end of the world” vibe from the lyrics so she didn’t want to record it. She was right to get that vibe. The sing Purple rain is an actual spiritual reference that speaks about getting through tough times and your faith in a higher power during the end of time. Many pondered on the songs meaning for years.

Prince used the color purple reference often, almost like he knew his end was coming sooner than later.

I open with a Prince reference to show how we have had artistic geniuses use their lyrics to shape our thinking throughout time. The art of story telling can change the mindset of generations- and it has. I believe it may be happening now.

We lost this great artist in April 21, 2016 and his songs are still referenced and considered some of the most clever pieces of music ever made.

Fast forward to present day.

The world is on fire (as I write this Texas is literally experiencing its largest wild fire ever recorded 2/27/24) . There are three active wars, constant cyber attacks, women have lost their right to not have babies in some states and to get pregnant in other states. To top it all off, we have a man who is saying the quiet part out loud while running to be President. He wants to be a dictator (the very opposite of what the framers wanted America to be) He feels he has total immunity as a former President.

This former President has tried to over turn the 2020 election, has incited an insurrection (but I think we have to call it a riot) and he might actually win his party’s nomination for reelection into the White House.

Some Americans are ok with this because they feel as though they have been over looked and unseen. They are angry. Some may say rightly so. Some can’t even afford to buy groceries and they have been struggling financially for years.

The problem is – the one man that they feel will be their “retribution” is part of the system that is keeping them poor but that’s another topic for another article.

Ok, so here we are in an election year. We have a candidate who is running that most of the country doesn’t want to win. He is running against the current President who some believe is too old to do the job with the vigor that is needed. That is the epitome of being stuck between a rock and a hard place according to many voters.

The former President is known for not having a close relationship with the truth. He feels the last election was stolen from him and now he uses strange conspiracy theories to get his “followers” to believe that if he loses again it is because he was cheated.

This brings us to my reasoning for opening with the lyrics of the late great artist, Prince and his influence on the world. There have been stories surrounding a young beautiful pop star which are implying that she is using her popularity to influence the election. If she is that’s not against the rules and other artists have made songs that seemed to be aimed at influencing the election for the former President.

Like the late great artist, Prince – She too used to be a country song writer. To top it all off she starts dating a very popular Football star who happened to make it to Super Bowl 2023. That’s when more conspiracies started stating that they are just dating to gain more popularity which will mean a stronger audience and possibly more votes for the incumbent candidate.

Ok fast forward; we have a popular award ceremony and Taylor Swift, the famous pop star (former country star) wins album of the year. Now this is a big deal because in comes another player. Beyonce, also a mega star has the most awards that this academy has ever given but has yet to win the one big award- album of the year. Taylor Swift wins this title nearly every year.

Ironically (or maybe not) Beyonce’s husband Jay-Z is honored at the 2023 Grammy award ceremonies and was allotted time to give a speech. He used that time to tell the world that it is wrong that his wife has never won album of the year although her songs have won the most awards ever (again – except for the highest honor that they offer which is album of the year).

Now we are all confused. Why would he do that?

During the big award show the pop star Taylor announces that her new album would release soon which brings the audience to a roar. With this announcement the pop star and Travis Kelce her famous football playing boyfriend are the most talked about couple all the way up to the big football game of the year. The Superbowl.

The pop star has been making appearances at football games to see her famous boyfriend and this has been great for ratings. It has also pulled in a demographic of Americans who don’t normally watch football.

Everyone is excited because there are rumors that the boyfriend is going to ask the pop star to marry him if he wins the big game (Travis did win but didn’t propose).

So everyone is watching the big game. Then there is another twist. The mega star (Beyonce)does commercials during the superbowl and announces that she’s dropping a country album ( she never won album of the year as a pop star and now she’s switching to singing country music). She then releases two country songs. Everyone is shocked. Everyone also thinks that this may be a competition between the pop Star who was a former country singer and the mega Star.

That would be an interesting theory except when you turn on social media all you see are people doing the two step to the Mega stars new country song and the people who are dancing to it are the same demographic of the Ex President who is trying to get re elected.

Coincidence – I think not. In fact I think the plot thickens. I don’t think the pop star and the mega star are competing at all – I feel that it’s all a brilliant plan to unify the country which has been deeply divided due to the two Presidents running on opposing issues.

I also think, like the late great Prince has done so brilliantly ( for example when his record label would not give him a fair contract, to gain back control he referred to himself as a symbol that could not be spoken out loud ) one of the two singers is the master mind behind this effort to use music to unite Americans.

In the mean time I’ll be two stepping right along with the rest of America as the Beyonce, mega star becomes the first black woman to have a song reach number one on the country charts, the catchy country ditty seems to be leaving us a little less divided.

I think Taylor Swift, our blonde pop star, with her oh so mischievous grin, is sitting back, cowdboy hat cocked, thinking….the plan is working.