Text by Kitchie Ohh, Copyright 2023
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Universal Rules
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I am not a religious person. However, I do believe in the “golden rule,” and try to live by it. I also believe there is something other than us, connecting, guiding, looking out for us. Let’s call it the Universe. I know I’m not alone in this belief, and while comforting, I also know that people put their own spin on it. Nothing is perfect, no single person, no belief system, not even the universe. Stephen Hawking agreed, though he probably meant the literal universe of stars, planets, and all. It still tracks. He said, “one of the basic rules of the universe is that nothing is perfect. Perfection simply doesn’t exist.”
Now, someone who definitely meant universe in a way similar to my referencing it, is Deepak Chopra. I don’t necessarily look to him as an authority on all things spiritual. Hell, I couldn’t even say I agree with everything he has said and written. But, I’m of the opinion that when something resonates with you, whatever it is, you hold onto it and whatever feeling it gives you. Honestly, I only mention him as a while back I found some of his quotes that more effectively expressed what I believe, and the things I have experienced over the course of my life, so far. Here we go.
“The universe has no fixed agenda. Once you make a decision, it works around that decision. There is no right or wrong, only a series of possibilities that shift with each thought, feeling, and action you experience.“ Okay. So first the ‘no right or wrong’ thing. I interpret that as being in reference to living your life, there’s no right or wrong way for you to be you. Unless of course you choose to live in a way that harms yourself or others. Our choices make all the difference. Things fall into place, or don’t, as a result. I don’t believe in fate or destiny. There’s clearly a path that will bring us to the destination; whatever goal it is that we set. The thing is we still must make choices every day to get there. Even refusing to choose is a choice. Small decisions, like what to wear today or whether it’s oatmeal or cornflakes for breakfast might not make a huge impact in the long run. But learning, dedicating time, money, and effort, absolutely will.
This point played out in my career. Did some higher power choose the world of nonprofit fundraising for me? Would I have ended up here regardless of the choices I made? I hardly think so. I have other options, I explored many of them. They didn’t fit for reasons ranging from logistics to financial, personal to professional. I chose to pursue this. I enjoy this (most days), and it makes sense. It has never felt like destiny. It is work. It is a choice, every day. This idea also prevails in my personal life. I make choices to make myself content, comfortable, and as happy as I can be. If I waited for the universe, or destiny, to show me what I was supposed to be doing, I don’t think I would ever be satisfied with the now. How could I be? That belief leads to either always waiting for something bigger and better, or allowing myself to make excuses, not act to make change, because this is how it’s supposed to be. Nope, sorry, I won’t stand for that.
“There are no extra pieces in the universe. Everyone is here because he or she has a place to fill, and every piece must fit itself into the big jigsaw puzzle.” I wholeheartedly feel that everyone you meet, even briefly, plays a part in who you are. I will say the jigsaw puzzle analogy maybe a smidge too rigid for me, though. The shapes in a puzzle fit together in a specific way, individual shapes can’t change and still fit. But the idea that everyone is here, everyone ‘fits’ and no one is extra or unnecessary, is beautiful. More so, I think because of its duality. Everyone YOU meet impacts YOUR life somehow, while everyone who meets YOU is impacted as well. As someone who has in the past felt completely insignificant and utterly invisible, embracing this idea has made a huge difference in how I show up in all facets of my life.
I am now often reminded of this concept. Any time I speak with several of my friends, I can’t help but recall the circumstances under which we met. I agreed to go to an event with an individual I knew, more than a friend, not quite a significant other. The event was amazing, the person, however, not so much. Their behavior toward me shifted entirely once we arrived. I was left wondering what I had done. Literally, I was left, alone. Knowing very few people, myself, I decided not to dwell. I would make new friends, or at least, find some people to hang out with that weren’t complete jerks. Nearly six years later, and I still have great relationships with quite a few people I met that weekend, but hardly speak to the one who brought me there. I cannot be angry or hold a grudge against the person who I attended that event with. Their presence in my life was the catalyst for more meaningful relationships. That was how their piece fit into my puzzle, and I’m grateful.
Wrapping up the quotes attributed to Chopra, we have this gem. “Coincidences are not accidents but signals from the universe to guide us to our true destiny.” We’ve already covered my opinion of destiny. But aside from that part, this idea that coincidences have a meaning is also something that rings true for me. That is not to say all coincidences must have an especially deep, profound meaning. They might just be a nudge to remember something from your past that makes you smile.
Or maybe, sometimes, they do serve a much larger purpose. In December, I was in a very bad place mentally, emotionally, and professionally. I was feeling completely overwhelmed daily. I slowly began changing things, one at a time, to improve my situation. One day, I was talking to my sister (as I do every day without fail) and was venting about a lot of things, but mostly not finding great job opportunities in my search. Toward the end of the conversation, I remarked that I had an incredibly vivid dream the previous night about our aunt who we lost to cancer, suddenly and unexpectedly. To which my sister replied, “Oh my gosh, me too!!” I refreshed my job search; the new top result was a fundraising position with a cancer focused nonprofit. We agreed, Betty’s appearance in our dreams was no coincidence. The universe was nudging me toward exploring this opportunity. Which I did…and got the job!
I’ll end this rant with one more belief I hold, that aligns very well with my idea of the Universe, and that is balance. As often as I look to the universe, I also look for balance. Things feeling heavy? Do something silly; lighten the mood! Throwing yourself into work? Take a break. You get the idea. I’ll also share that, sometimes, I feel like balance seeks me. It occurs most often when I’m feeling cocky. The universe is quick to knock me down a peg, and I always hear that message loud and clear. The need for balance for me, serves as a course correction; it gives the opportunity to recognize a trajectory toward negativity, realign and refocus. It’s a good thing.
One more note on universe and balance. Sometimes, maybe not terribly often, the universe needs to balance its own scale. Keep in mind everything else we’ve covered thus far: Nothing at all is perfect. Everyone has a purpose. There are no coincidences.
Just prior to the full pandemic-shutdown three years ago, I met someone for a date. It seemed promising. It did not pan out, despite more than a few tries. Several weeks ago, I met someone else. Similar age. Similar appearance. Similar interests. Same name. My mind immediately threw up the red flag, warning me “Didn’t we do this already? Remember what happened?” I forced that thought back, telling myself that similar isn’t identical. Even the universe isn’t perfect. Perhaps, the similarities were to grab my attention. Perhaps, the first person’s purpose was to embody things I appreciated and wanted but also to remind me not to let those things overshadow what was not wanted or aligned with who I am. Perhaps, this could be a good thing. I’m still figuring that out. Our meeting was a choice; part of the bigger picture of both our lives. Not fate. Not destiny. We’ll decide what happens. Or doesn’t. Maybe the Universe is saying “oops, that first one? My bad. Try this one.”
All of this is how I make sense of things, of my life, and my experiences. I appreciate and fully understand that despite all my overthinking and overanalyzing not everything will be clearly defined. And I’m okay with it because, as per Neil DeGrasse Tyson, “the universe is under no obligation to make sense to you.” Or me. Yet, it will never stop me from trying.
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About the Author:
Kitchie Ohh is a full-time professional fundraiser who has worked with a number of health and human services nonprofits in the Philadelphia area over the last 20 years. She found her passion for modeling after a pinup-style photoshoot in 2013. Since then, she has worked with many talented photographers, stylists, hair and makeup artists in a variety of styles. She has been featured in- and on the covers of – multiple print and digital publications. Over the years, she has branched out from pinup studio modeling to serve as a figure model for live sketching, walked a runway, and was part of two campaigns for Philadelphia designer K. Vaughn.
In addition to her philanthropy-focused career, she has volunteered with art, historical, and community organizations, and even the events team of a local brewery for a while, pre-pandemic.
You’re just as likely to find her whipping up something deliciously plant-based in her kitchen or knitting a sweater as you are to find her on a photography set. Her motto is “be both.” The model and the homemaker, sultry and sweet, serious and silly. All the things, all at once.
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To access additional articles by Kitchie Ohh, please click here: https://tonyward.com/kitchie-ohh-beware-the-ides-of-march/